Oh, Christmas Tree...

December 1, 2015

Christmas was once a favorite of mine.

Then I became an adult.

As an adult, I have strung the lights, decorated the trees, bought the gifts. Wrapped the gifts. Put out the snowman cookie jar. Alone. 

No one in my household ever seemed to care, notice, mind if the trees were up or down, the lights were on, the snowman cookie jar was out. Of course, were there no presents beneath said trees there would have been weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth. At least for the non-adults in my midst.

The presents kind of registered on the give-a-sh*t Richter scale. Honestly though, whether or not the necessary packages had been purchased and wrapped for the scads of relatives who we needed to make merry bothered no one. Just me: the magic (and increasingly bitter) Christmas fairy.

The thing is--and I'm sure I'm not alone--I will move heaven and earth for you and wrap it up in a lovely bow and put it under the tree that I erected and decorated single-handedly. I will even sing an effing Christmas carol while I do it. 

Just say thank you. Or act like it matters.

Looking back, nothing has made me feel more invisible or frivolous than Christmas. That's saying something. I'm certain the birth of our Lord wasn't intended to exhaust us. I'm certain I ought not get all riled up and harbor bitter feelings of misunderstanding and neglect because of lovely decorations that have (really) zippo to do with the birth of our Lord and Savior.

I will take the blame. I did it to myself. Why keep knocking myself out when the only clear result is me knocked out?

This year I put up one tree. No ornaments. Just favorite white lights and ribbons. Interestingly enough, for the first time ever, without provocation, my two kiddos (whom I fiercely love in spite of their numbness to my noble holiday plight) have told me how much they love it. It's "wow" they say. 

The years of going overboard (was it?) have melted away with this unsolicited kindness. Yay.

Merry Christmas. It may have taken me two decades of adulting to realize that adulting means choosing what knocks me out. Better late than never.

Christmas was once a favorite of mine. It might be again. We shall see.

PS--Joni Mitchell is an acquired taste.  There is something about "River" that gets to me every Christmas.  We've all wanted to skate away at some point.  Some Christmases more than others.  If you are so inclined, here you go:

https://youtu.be/GpFudDAYqxY