Eyes Wide Open

December 14, 2017

I have horrid insomnia. Since Drew was born, I can think of a handful of nights through which I slept. It's usually the 3-5am hours that find me wide-eyed. But there are variations on the theme.

And so it is that I find myself tonight. Or this morning, I suppose.

I've made a pledge of late that I won't allow the puppies (who aren't puppies) upstairs anymore. I had the carpets cleaned a week ago and I stuck to my weak promise for a while. But when I woke up at two, I decided the pledge lacked the allure of two sweet canines who stick to me like glue, given the opportunity. So now I'm flanked with doggies and watching Netflix. There are worse things.

I'm currently embroiled in "The Crown." It's a fictitious (maybe?) glimpse into the monarchy of England. It is engaging and beautifully acted. But as I watch now with the eyes of a crazed insomniac, it only confirms my staunch theory that marriage is something I cannot fathom ever again willingly choosing to choose. I do understand that there are people who are happily married--or so they claim. 

I am happy for those who find someone with whom it's not a noose around one's neck; or a prison sentence. I do believe it's possible. For me--and apparently for Queen Elizabeth in fictional 1959--it seems unkind. I wish to throttle Prince Philip, and I don't even know him.

Life, insomnia, dog ownership, are such mountains to climb. But freedom...my freedom...it just doesn't get any better. Even wide-eyed at 3am.

For my happily married friends, I salute you. For all the rest, this life on the other side is magical. Even if you're tired.