October 30, 2015
I found this picture today in that drawer we all have with pictures piled up, no rhyme or reason to how they all landed there. As some other photos parted and this one emerged, I grabbed it and sank down into the floor. I will admit that I stared at it for a while with a fat smile on my face and eyes that threatened Lifetime Original Movie tears.
It took me back to those days. I can almost smell my little blonde guy. I look exhausted. But I remember that brand of exhausted: from chasing little ones and playing and (from the looks of it) swimming or frolicking in some capacity in view of the sun.
Time is running out, but I'm happy to report that my boy and I can still be found in somewhat similar circumstances on the big red couch in our basement. He hasn't grown too old to sidle up next to me, except I tend to be the first one to nod off these days. It's just a matter of time until it's a) not on his list or b) weird.
I hold on tightly for now. I did then. And hey, I will always have the memory of that arm around my neck and a picture to prove it.
The crazy thing is I never thought I wanted to have kids. I was afraid they'd end up like me :). I was afraid I'd screw them up. I was afraid.
Turns out it is just...it is the best.
That's all there is to it.
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