The Fear

Well, I've given this some thought. Obviously I have or I wouldn't be putting it in writing. It's the idea of fear. 

I've been watching a bit of old Letterman clips of late, and in one he admits to frequently being afraid before going before an audience. 

I ain't Dave (whom I love), but there wasn't a day I wasn't afraid before walking into the classroom. And even the years when we were winning again and again (not to sound like an a**hole), I was afraid every weekend we would never win another trophy. I didn't doubt the kids. They were brilliant and talented. I always doubted I hadn't done enough for them. 

But the fear made me work harder and strive beyond it. And I will never forget my buddy, David Watkins--a hero in his own right--one night at the end of his tourney (the toughest all around), handing me a bag of cookies from his sweet wife and saying "the climb is sometimes better than the top."

I had lived with fear of not living up to my predecessors. I know I did all right. Seeing Dave admit the fear gave me pause. I never think of these folks as mortals. But I suppose they lie awake as we do; as I am now. 

I'm grateful for kiddos who understand me and two predecessors who always made me feel like I did good stuff. And an assistant principal who always cracked up when I chilled my Diet Cokes on the roof outside of my classroom.