Jesus, etc.

I’m a Christian. I grew up in a rather large Southern Baptist church and, from my childhood even through my college days, I was there when the doors were open.  My church was a second home for me, and I considered the congregants my second family.  Many friends there stepped up and helped in the absence of my mother; many of my teachers there loved me when I was a very unlovable toot with a snarky attitude and a chip on my shoulder.  I was extremely involved to the extent that, as a freshman in college, I served as one of seven on the selection committee for our new pastor. 

I credit my faith in God with my survival these 41-years. My faith that God loves me and that Jesus died for me has never wavered.  It never will.

It’s the fine print that I’ve been struggling with for about the past decade.

I’ve always been stunned by the Old Testament and the severity of God’s justice and wrath therein.  I’m confused by the choices of scripture the church (perhaps, more specifically, my church) chooses to hang on to, and those it chooses to ignore.  The Old Testament is ripe with some pretty heinous stuff (you know, stoning adulteresses, concubines and bunches of wives running around, marriages voided if the woman’s not a virgin, the list goes on and on…and this is just the tip of the iceberg.)

I’m most troubled by the trouble many churches/conservative Christians have with love and acceptance.  It’s a fine line between acknowledging and rejecting a sin and loving and embracing a sinner.  The struggle continues when one sin seems to be elevated above another in the eyes of some.

What was it Gandhi said?  "I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians.  Your Christians are so unlike your Christ."  Hmmmm.

I am not a poster child for solid Christian behavior, don't get me wrong. I'm flawed so deeply and my lexicon so littered with expletives that I revel in using that I hope I can squeak in up top when the time comes.  The thing is, though, I will own up to my misbehavior and glaring shortcomings in a heartbeat.  I'm the first to admit I can be a hot mess. However...

There is one person in my life in particular who absolutely believes himself just a cut above and just a little bit closer to the throne than the rest of us.  He can be generous and kind in one moment and intolerant and hateful the next.  I think the biggest hitch in my get-along where he is concerned is that he fancies himself a flawless and faithful servant and yet can treat others with such disdain.  This little bit of hypocrisy has lit up recently and, well, it makes me want to scream.  If you know me well (especially if you were ever one of my students), you know that the day will come when I WILL scream.  There is a formidable rage brewing within me, and I'm just tough enough these days to unleash the beast.  As I've described my kind, giving, temperate Nyds, "once she has a mouthful, she'll say 'SHIT!'" It's coming 'round the bend...or out of my pie hole.

If I am really to follow scripture and hop up to Jesus's standards, I will stop griping about this fella and forgive him all the pain he scatters hither and yon.  That is my challenge.  I will forgive, but I do love to gripe...I'll see what I can do.

I have a host of friends who are Christians, and a great many who are not.  Some on both sides of the spiritual debate read the words I post here.  One pal of mine told me that if all Christians were like me, he'd be in the pew every Sunday.  It was high praise, but I know that what he likes about my brand of Christianity is that my fundamental belief in Jesus never wavers but I'm not too holy for any earthly good.  The key, I think, is not to let people like my anonymous ne'er-do-well or squabbles over this scripture or that ruin the great gift of faith.  As I was told once, comparing ourselves to others is as useful as tuning one piano to another.  It is the purity of the tuning fork that refines the piano's sound.  It is the love of Christ that wraps us up and carries us through the ridiculously difficult and confusing life we live here.

For the tuning fork I strain to hear every day.  That's the best I can do.  Can I get an amen? ;)