365

June 3, 2015


In one of my favorite movies, “Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner?”, Spencer Tracy and Katharine Hepburn portray parents of a buoyant, remarkable daughter in 1960s San Francisco who brings home an African-American (Sydney Poitier) whom she plans to wed.  Tilly, their family member/housekeeper (played by Isabel Sanford aka “Weezie” from The Jeffersons), proclaims to Spencer Tracy’s character, “all hell’s done broke loose now.”  And indeed, it had. These two liberal white parents had to confront whom they believed themselves to be, and what they wanted for their prized daughter, and what was right.  The movie ends (spoiler alert!) of course, with Spencer Tracy delivering the last speech of his career (and nearly the last of his life), in which he acknowledges the power of love against all odds, and the right this couple has to journey on with the deserved support of those who love them.

There is much to be learned from the movie, not the least of which is that Katharine Hepburn IS in fact worthy of my undying fan-ship and devotion.  But the truth is no matter how much we love each other or how much we think we know ourselves, life sometimes throws at us big questions and tests.  Sometimes we disappoint people we love, and visa versa. Sometimes we disappoint ourselves. And sometimes, hell has, indeed, done broke loose.

On this day one year ago, hell broke loose in my world.  For my purposes here, it doesn’t matter how or why.  What I will say is this:  it’s interesting to see who walks in when the world walks out.  It is also of note those who value truth even when it’s hard, and those who care so much more about appearance than reality.  I discovered unconditional love when I thought it would take leave.  I learned the power of lost respect for those who claim to love but try not even to understand.  

A year ago I thought I had reached my limit.  We all have those moments when we think “I can’t take it any more!  Enough!” I was wrong, see.  I could take some more.  And I am.  And I will.

That is my new mantra.

The asterisk on my soul’s pledge is that I still believe in a God who is alongside, lifting me, even, as needed.  Of the unconditional love, He did not take leave. Forgiveness is a lesson we mere mortals still struggle to learn.  It’s what He teaches, folks.  It’s what He does.

Today I’m sitting in my sun (ahhh), happily 365 days from a sunless day, a sunless time.  I wish Spencer Tracy was here to deliver a speech full of understanding while Katharine Hepburn sits alongside, wearing her cool 60’s outfit with tears in her usually-steely eyes.  Nothing Oscar-worthy will happen today.  That’s all right.  My mind’s reel of the faces of people who really loved me before, during and after this denouement of mine ceaselessly plays. They love me still.  There aren’t words for what they mean to me. 

And I am.  And I will.