The Lost Coin

June 10, 2015

The Parable of the Lost Coin

...except it's not a parable and it was a lost credit card

The Bible tells the story of a woman who lost a coin, found it, and rejoiced and told all of her pals. I get the fact that the point of the story is that the good Lord rejoices when one lost soul is found and saved by His grace and mercy. Coins, souls...it all makes sense. (Mustard seeds, wine, fish, prodigal sons, sheep also made the scene; I get it.) Still, if the story didn't represent saving a lost soul from eternal damnation, one might question getting all jacked up about losing a coin and all fired up about finding it.

Fast forward a couple thousand years and the coin could be parlayed into a credit card. The virtuous woman could (this is a leap) be me. I'm not proud of this story or the fact that I do stupid sh*t like this all too frequently. But we all have "bed pans" in our lives: one of mine happens to be stupid sh*t like this.

I often carry my VISA and license in my hand when I'm running into the store. Yesterday was such a day when I was purchasing produce that unfortunately I have not churned out here in my garden. As I loaded the back of the car with my loot, I threw the receipt and said credit card and license into one of the bags thinking that I would retrieve them as I put the groceries away. Thinking...that's what I was doing.

Got home, unloaded the bags, started cutting up mounds of melon and pineapple in a real page out of a 1950s issue of "Good Housekeeping," minus the pearls, 19-inch waist, and heels. As I worked, I would put the rinds and other pieces of ick into the empty plastic sacks. Anyone see where this is going?

Alas, today I stopped to buy some flowers to replace the pansies that have run their course. As usual, I was going to just carry the blessed card with me. Guess where the card wasn't.

Suddenly, a slideshow of yesterday's events flashed through my mind and a string of expletives shot forth from my non-virtuous mouth. I raced out of the parking lot and rolled home at warp speed. My salvation (how appropriate) was that the trash man comes tomorrow. Like any environmentally-minded homemaker who cares not enough about Mother Earth to NOT use plastic bags but enough to reuse (just once!) these bags, I keep old bags under the sink. The hunt began.

Of course the license and card weren't in the sink inside a clean bag. I knew what I had to do. 

To the dumpster I went, where all 5'9" of me leaned down to retrieve the nasty, fly-infested bags full of melon refuse. There, in a sack full of watermelon rinds, lay my elusive cards. They looked at me with disdain. How could you? The driver's license picture beckoned. With glee and shame I carried them to the sink to rinse them and return them to their original glory.

It was, in this modern day page out of the scriptures, a miracle. That which was lost is found. Thy ass which might have been in quite a sling hath been spared. Praise the Lord.